Mom in Baylor Plano

I'm a little out of all the loops of late becasue of the store and my new working hours but now I'm really out of pocket becasue mom is back in the hospital. It's not for the same reasons as in the past and it's a bit more delicate so I know you understand if i do not go into any detail.

It did turn into the blood preassure problems she has had in the past. As I write I'm at the hospital hoping that she is sleeping and ahs stopped "chucking" as out english nurse calls it. Tomorrow we can better access the situation once she has had some food and her blood pressure is down. (220/115! YIKES!)

Thank you for all the calls. I'm sorry if you are reading this and I should have called you in person. I'm trying to balance carpool, my grandmother, Almost Home, Baylor Plano vitising hours, and the cost of gas in the middle of all of this.

Please forgive me.

I GOT IT!!

I got the loan to buy the store! OH MY GOSH!!!!! I AM ABOUT TO OWN MY OWN STORE!!!!!
I have so many plans and things I want to do I can hardly believe it!

I didn't get the entire loan I was asking for but it's enough to buy the store. I can hardly believe it. I actually found out on Wednesday but I've been in a constant stat of motion since that moment.

I'm sure the next 6 months are going to be chaotic at best. It's impossible to list all the insanity that is going through my head at this point:

Finding care for the kids in the afternoons after school.
Securing additional funds
applying for credit cards for the business
Researching new vendors
Learning the systems at the store.
Looking for possible booth consignors
Bottling my lotion line
Applying for grants and an SBA loan
Making labels
Making candles for sale.........
And so much more that I can barely sleep for thinking about it all.

I had a miagraine this morning that was a whopper! I put my down for hours and I took tons of really strong medication for it. I'm thankful that it was only hours.
I feel like only have hours before I have to start running my own business. I'm paranoid about money at this oint and I'm conserving every penny, taking inventory of the items I'm bringing to the business and looking at pricing, merchandising and decorating.

I feel like every job I've ever had has led me to this. Now I'm my own boss!

I am praying for everyone who said a prayer for me during this time and for everyone who has supported me with positive thoughts, probing sobering questions that made me stop and think, hugs encouraging words and just friendship and love.

To my sweet husband of ten years who loves my no matter what I pull and supports me and encourages me and always tells me I can do anything, and I think actually believes it. You are my life and my rock!

To my sweet babys who look at me with such pure love that I could move a mountain if they wanted me to. I'm doing this in part to secure your future and teach you that you can do anything if you set your mind to it. Garre actually told me I could be the president if I wanted to. Not too sure that's what I want to do. Maybe local politics in a few years.

To my mom who is my fierecest and probally most loyal supported. I am looking to you to hold my hand through this part of my life. I will be leaning on you for your help in a million differnt ways.

To my sister Tracey, who despite being really, sick stayed up with me looking for wholesale vendors and I know will be beside me to help me make this a success. I love you and will always be grateful! We are going to have SO MUCH FUN!!!

To my precious friend Traci who is always in my corner and challenges me to look at every angle and check myself, Thank you my sweet friend. You have talked me through many things and listened to me and my insanity.

To Erica my sweet friend and PFTH cohort, who learned alongside me allthe insanity of starting a small business and loved me inspite of my ADD behaviors for all those busines years. You have terrific advice and I know you will be with me through this season of my life too.

To everyone who love us and has offered to help, thank you. I may be hitting you up for money so I'm sorry in advance!! Don't avoid my phone calls!

I am a self employeed shop keeper! WOW!!!!!!!!!

Well it's out of my hands

We met with the Bank and I've done everything I can to make sure this goes smoothly. I was up until 3:30 a.m. revising updating and changing the business plan. It looked great, to me. but it all depends on what the underwriter says now. I won't know until Tuesday or maybe Wednesday. I was stressed on Thursday but I'm okay now. If it doesn't happen the first time then I've made up my mind to file for a federal loan and then federal grants. I have a couple of willing investors but I am praying that the bank loan goes followed by the SBA federal loan then grants. All of this is to set up inventory in the store and pay back any actual loans. First the bank loan in full then the federal loan if possible then spend the grant money updating the look if the store and the signage and advertising.

I'm learning so much so fast that it's hard to keep it all straight. I lay down at night and my head starts spinning with numbers and figures and merchant information and many many unanswerable questions. I'm still trying to figure out what I am going to do for Kamdyn on Wednesday and Friday afternoons. Garrison is old enough to hang at the store with me and actually help me out but Kamy is still too young. Also Garrison is such a big kid he can help me move things and I have promised to pay him for his help.

I'm having a hard time focusing on what is going into the store. I have a timeline drawn out that is realistic and conservative for making the necessary changes. It's really a responsible time line as well. Much of what is in the store will be gone quickly. It's currently marketed to 50 and up and I'm going to bring the age demographic down quite a bit. Wylie is absoutly booming right now. 400% growth rate in the last 20 months so the time is right to get into the downtown area. I will be the youngest merchant in the Historic district. Who knows how that will play out. Ebveryone has and opinion about what I should do with the store. I'm listening to everyone and making notes and also following my instincts.

Right now my prayer is that God be with us and guide Sean and I every step of the way. So far He has opened doors that I never imagined He'd open and on faith we have stepped through them. In a million years I would have never though I would be in this position today. A store front has so many huge responsibilities and I do have a lot of questions but I'm really going on faith and I have the support of an amazing man who really believes I can do anyhting I put my mind to. Sean is my rock.

This week is 10 years that we have been married. There have been rough patches but those are few and far between. We have seen a lot together and it's gone by so fast. I'm getting too emotional just writing this so I'm going to wrap it up for this entry.

I have to rest easy knowing if tis store thing doesnt fly then there is a reason and I'll deal with it.

Almost Home / Le Maison Presque

I'm finally ready to blog about what is going on in our lives. I've started a bath and body line because of all I learned in the last year about what we should not be using. I'm not what I would consider "organic" but I am very concerned with the rise in various childhood issues and the connection to some of the things approved by the FDA that go into our B&B products. So I started playing around with these and then fragrances and it's been a hit. In fact so much of a hit that I'm having trouble keeping things in stock. See I started off by making these as gifts and pretty soon, strangers were calling because a friend of a friend tried my hand cream and now they want to try it too. The feed back is really good also.

Well over Christmas a good friend, Amber, talked to a stylist who is opening a spa in the downtown Wylie area. She wanted to talk to me about carrying the spa products in her retail portion of her spa. I made an appointment to meet with her last Wednesday 1/5/08 but I arrived a bit early for the appointment. I decided to look around for a bit in downtown and made a bee-line to a store called Almost Home. I'd never been in and I by-passed all the other store and went directly to AH. I overheard the owner telling a customer that she was looking for a buyer for the retail portion of the business and that she was moving the tea-room piece to a historical house in the downtown area. (I have since learned that Wylie was listed by Forbes and on of the top ten fastest growing communities in the country and that the average age has dropped from 45 to 27 in less than 20 months. They have also had a 400% growth rate in that same time period. This will be relevant in just a few sentences.) She (Kathy) said if she could find the right person, and she and her husband and the building owner have been praying, to come in and buy it all lock- stock and barrel then she would happily give them the deal of a life time. With my head spinning (this is a life-long dream for me but one that was FAR out to sight ad seemingly impossible) and my heart pounding, I approached her and asked some general questions. A little over a week later, the contract of sale is completed, the lease is agreed upon, I've measured the store, I've meet with the bank and the landlord and I'm am only hammering out the financial aspects of the deal. Obviously I can not out all the details in my blog, but it is the deal of a lifetime. I keep waiting to find some landmine of make a false step because it truly seems too good to be true however after having an attorney and CPA take a look it is sound.


And the best part of the entire story is that GOD HAS DIRECTED EVERY SINGLE PART OF THE DEAL. It's as though He has been my real-life partner opening doors and making things happen.


If I pray for it, I am getting really accustomed to it happening very quickly. I have specific instances of things happening that are just too much to be coincidence. Every single person who has been close by and watching this take place has seen it.

So as it stands today, I have a meeting on Tuesday with the bank president to go over financials. Sean and I are looking at our books because we have to have 20% of the loan amount in either cash collateral or both to add to the deal. The bank will only fund 80%. I'm open to an investor because I'll be able to borrow a very small sum (about $3500) for only a couple of weeks until the loan is funded then I'll pay the entire sum back. That plus collateral will easily over the percentage and I'll have working capital to update the inventory. The current inventory is a bit dated.

I've been hesitant to really broadcast this news because if the deal should not happen I do not want to have a lot of explaining to do. So here's my public statement about that" If this deal does not happen it will be for the best and I'll accept it. But I do have my heart set on it at this point and I have a TON of plans. It's a place where everyone can put their stuff either on consignment or rent their own booth and share in this experience and hopefully make some money too. It's a place for all of my various and sundry artistic endeavors in one place. It's a place to teach my children about financial responsibility and that dreams can come true and a place to give back to the community in the form of charitable functions and sponsoring different important issues and groups. I am praying very hard for this to happen and I really want to talk to anyone and everyone (after the deal goes through) about retail potential.

The store has been in the downtown area for over 8 years and has an established clientele. all the kinks are worked out and it's really turn-key so I will be making changed very responsibly and slowly. I want to keep the current clients but expand to serve the 400% growth in the area. I'll be adding a secondary title to the store and painting, merchandising and updating the overall look.

I'll get a picture of the working title and sign. I'll be painting the sign myself but I'll have it professionally weatherproofed and installed. Le Maison Presque means almost home in french and it sounds nice. I'm tossing around others but this is the top choice for now.
I'll keep the posts coming as things progress or degress.....





4 generations at the tearoom inside the store.

So much to update!!! January 2008 WOW!!!!!

I have so much to update. If I'm doing this for posterity I really have to get better about blogging. I certainly don't have time to scrapbook so this has to get more consist ant. YIKES I have SO much on my plate right now I'm running in a million different directions-

... but more on that later as things develop a bit.... Cryptic

Christmas was wonderful and VERY VERY busy. So busy in fact that I didn't even mail a single Christmas card. If people got one it was only because they happened to be at our house over the holidays. I think when thing slow down I will mail a few out to those who love me in spite of my short-comings.

I'm going backwards chronologically because I'll remember better that way.

Today January 7th - School Started back today I'm ready for that!!! After getting up at 6:00 am dressing, showering, eating b-fast and all the normal morning anxieties I drove G-man to school. (Side bar - He's growing his hair out so he can look like Troy Bolton!!! He looks really cute.) OOPS!!!! School STARTS TOMORROW!!!!!! Luckily I'm medicated so I was able to laugh it off.
Still in pain from the bike incident...
On a sentimental note today.
This is the last semester I will be able to spend girl time with Kamdyn during the day. We are so close and I'm trying to savor every moment because she starts kindergarten in the fall. I know that sounds like a long way off but I goes by so fast. She is such a little lady when she wants to be and super sassy the next minute. I'm sure she thinks we napped her from her castle when she was a baby and she is forced to live here. She is a wonderful little girl in all seriousness and I so blessed to have both of my beautiful children. Just writing this makes me tear up. Garrison is such a little man and he's already doing the textbook "pulling away" to form his own identity and opinions. He's still really impressionable but it's different somehow. He tells me I'm wrong a lot which makes me and Dad insane but I know it's only because he's growing intellectually as well as emotionally and physically. He's taken on a different look as well. He's lost that baby/child look and he is looking more like what he will look like in later life. His eyes are super blue still and he's got a mischievous twinkle in his eye and a dimple like mine on his left cheek that will serve him in later years, I fear, to attract the girls. He is VERY tall and broad shouldered but slim at the same time. He's built like a Basketball Center which I'm praying will take care of all of us someday. He has several "girlfriends" but his heart still pines for Lexi B. We saw her at church yesterday and he swooned for nearly and hour after seeing her. It's really cute. We are still dealing with his anxiety issues and the ADHD but things are much, much better. Given the family history on both sides (clinical depression, mental breakdown, addiction, OCD ADD ect) it's a wonder he is able to deal with things as well as he does. The doc says he's "hardwired" to be nervous, which he is all the time.

My cub scout/ Dad is the den leader

Garre and his best buddy Wylie.....

Sunday January 6th - AM Church very sore from fall yesterday- No church pm/ Got ADD Meds for me after 2 weeks without. Chaos over

Saturday, January 5th - Lazy for most of the day until attempting to teach neighborhood girl to ride her bike without training wheels. Gracie was about to fall into th street and I was running behind her to keep her steady. She was going down so to keep her from the street I shoved her to the grass as she was falling. Somehow, and this is still a mystery, I go tangles up in the back wheel. My feet couldn't keep up with the momentum and I fell sprawling onto of the bike and Gracie, nearly knocking the wind out of myself. Both knees totally busted, upper right under-arm "tattooed" with the wheel bolt and spokes, chin busted and both shoulders severely hyper extended. As I lay there assessing the damage Sean, from the driveway just a second after the fall, says tome, "I though you were going shopping?" I had been getting ready to go to Kohls with Kamdyn when Gracie appeared needing help. No other parent was present and I couldn't turn her away. I'm sure I'll hurt fo a month. I'm too old for this. and it wasn't eve my kid!!!!

December 31 2007 - Had an impromptu New Years party for a few friends. We played games and had a great time. It was the last time we were together before the Ownby's moved to England.

Week of December 25 - The Smiths Moved to England on the 28th. I'm so excited (and nervous) for them. What an amazing opportunity. The Ownby's leave in a week for about a year. the Smiths will only be there (as planned at this time) for about 9 months. I'm really going to miss seeing them. I've told Sean we re going in May for out 10th anniversary.

- We celebrated at a bunch of different locations: My sisters house, Sean's folks, and our house. After my mom moved out of the house we started a new Christmas eve tradition. She spend Christmas eve and morning at our house and it's really a lot of fun for everyone. This year we were doubly blessed because for the first time my grandmother was able to spend the night also. I will always remember that we had 4 generations in my house for Christmas eve 2007. I bought a lot of Christmas on EBAY. I do not recommend this. Garrison's BIG gift didn't even come until 4:30 on Christmas Eve and I was sweating it the entire way. He requested a Millennium Falcon Lego ship but at $400 that was impossible. I over spent as it is without getting really stupid. I was able to secure a Republic Cruiser Lego but that was the one gift that gave me the most grief!!! Kamdyn's request were a bit simpler; she only wanted a castle (Cinderella's version) and a new doll called the Real Loving Baby. Mission accomplished on all counts but one. Garrison also wanted Target Gift Cards for a Nintendo DS Lite Game system. As of today I still have yet to find one in stock. I am on several waiting lists and we are just trying to be patient.

Clubhouse for Kids

Periodocially we go over to the clubhouse for Kids in Plano. It's really a neat place where the kids get to go wild and the parents and work or read or just sit. This day Kam and Garre put on a play. It has a theater and stage makeup that the children can use. These are the pictures from the play. It was about a blue girl saved by a fireman????? It made sense to them at least. I have no idea sho the 3rd child is in the last picture just someone the "rooked" into playing with them. They make friends like I do, which is a good thing. Everyone is invited to play.

Drama Queen

This is how Kamdyn fell asleep on the couch. Even in her sleep she is dramatic!

Daddy Daughter Dance

These are pictures of our princess from the Daddy/Daughter Dance at the country club last month. She has not stopped talking about it! She not a baby anymore. Daddy got her a corsage and they went just the two of them with several other dads from the neighborhood. All the girls wound up dancing on the dance lfoor while the dads talked football and basketball. So everyone had a great time!

Im FREEEEEEE

After less than three months I am no longer working at the spa. It was a mutual decision because it really wasn't working like we had thought it would in the beginning. No hard feelings I'm just free again to pursue what I really want to do and that is art and my card business.

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What would you do with this purse?

I will start with this tiny nugget from my life. It happened yesterday.

After work, I had a million errands to run. We started off at Dr. Kirkham's and wound up at Central market. It was getting late and we had one more critical stop to make at Wal Mart. After only 15 minutes or so of shopping Kamdyn announces that she has to go to the bathroom. This is a very common occurrence at Wal Mart. So we trek to the lay-away department bathroom in the back of the store.

We all proceed into the family bathroom where the obvious takes place. As Garrison starts to take his turn, Kamdyn squeals behind him about a bug on the floor. Garrison turns slightly to the left, (body and all if you catch my drift...) and somehow manages to pee into my open purse just by the toilet. Now he is watching Kamdyn and I'm washing my hands only to turn around and see this happening. I screamed so loudly that I made him jump and pee went literally EVERYWHERE!!! He never stopped peeing during the entire course of these events. It was in every nook and crannie in my purse. I just stood there staring in shock and disbelief not quite sure what to do. Kamdyn says," You are in real trouble now, Garrison." as we all just stand there staring at my sopping wet purse. After a moment or two as I collected my thoughts, a had Garrison dump out my purse and separate all the things that were wet from those hopefully not wet. He was sobbing by this time apologizing over and over and over again. I was so mad I couldn't even find the humor in the situation. I was exhausted and hungry and grumpy and the kids had been making me crazy arguing so this only increased my anxiety and turmoil.

We were in the bathroom (cleaning the contents of my purse) for so long that the manager came and checked on us. I asked for a plastic Wal Mart bag to put my stuff in. I borrowed the Lysol in the layaway department, thoroughly washed out the purse and all it's pockets ( I just got the thing in the Summer!)sprayed it down with Lysol, stuffed it with tissue and shoved the plastic bag into the opening. Garrison is still saying over and over, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry."

I knew he didn't mean to do it but I was furious because we talk about staying focused and concentrating when you are doing something really important. It took me a good 20 minutes to calm down during which time the children were instructed not to even talk to each other but sit still and stare straight ahead. Not one of my finer mommy moments.

As I tucked him into bed last night I told him that everyone makes mistakes and that no matter what I loved him. He was a little better but still sad.

This morning as he was getting ready to walk out the door to school with Dad. He put his arms around me and whispered the following in my ear:

" Mommy, I love you forever I love you always. Forever and ever my mommy you'll be. I'm sorry about all the mistakes I have made and all the things I do wrong."

To which I replied:
"I love you forever and I love you for always and forever and always my Garrison you'll be and I am also sorry for all the mistakes I make and I promise I will try to do better."

We hugged for a long time forgiving one another. He put his not so little hands on my face and kissed me on the nose and told me to have a good day.

These little phrases are Garrison's rendition of a children's book we have read about a million times but he gets it: Unconditional love and he taught me a little more how it's done right. Nobody is perfect certainly not mommies but he loves me anyway. And I know he knows I love him unconditionally.

Sort of reminds me of the man upstairs....

I will survive!!!

I am alive but I'm working all the time!!!

Two short weeks after I started working at the spa, the manager was let go. I do love the spa and the staff is awesome but I am tired. The owner and I have become friends and that is a blessing.

I miss my kids andmy husband. I have one day a week to clean and organize my home and that is real pain. I'm really poor at organizing my home but I'm a pro at work. Why doesn't that translate to the house. I never have been able to figure it out.

When I have time, I'll post about:
The explosion at Hobby Lobby and the Haz-Mat team, bomb squad, police and firetrucks.
My weight loss program (25 lbs so far and still falling. I have 25 more to go!)
VBS memories
Kamdyns very fancy princess party and Cinderella
Book club picks
Harry Potter Mania in my house
and a zillion other things that I am desperate to record for posterity.

I got a present the day of Kamdy's party too: a brand new fancy cannon rebal digital camers!!!!!! Thank you DADDY!!!!
The pictures below are from Kamdyn's party

It's been a long time

I'm had so much going on that it will take me several posts to catch up. The biggest news is that I am going back to work starting tomorrow!

I will be working at the Always at Peace Day Spa in Plano. I begin my training tomorrow at 9:00 am and will continue for two weeks. After the training/trial period, I will be working Tuesday Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday.
Here's the link
http://www.alwaysatpeace.com

What happened is Sean got me a Mothers Day Spa 1/2 day and I fell in love with the place. As I was leaving I said to the owner, it must be heaven to work here! She asked, "Are you interested?"

I already knew that I was going to be working in some capacity and Sean and I were researching opening our own business in the Firewheel area. I had gone so far into the process that I had met with commercial real estate leasing agents and had a site in mind. I had already applied for federal grants and was tentatively approved.

I had also secured my own website for my artwork and was restarting a card business. The big problem is this: I needed an income immediately not in 8 to 12 weeks. So when this opportunity presented itself, through much prayer and petition to the good Lord, Sean and I felt this was the right move. The kids will be with my mom a lot this summer and then Kamdyn starts at a new school three days a week. She has the opportunity to attend five days a week but I'm going to see how the summer goes. There are still spots and the director knows our situation. So I am a working mother and I have to trust that this is the direction the Lord wants for us.

I'm excited and apprehensive at the same time. I'm going to miss the kids so much because hey are so terrific and Garrison has really just started his ADD meds. It's going pretty well. He will go back in August to see the doctor before school for any adjustments. I'm building a website for his therapist (www.graceevaluation.com)so if anyone needs these services I highly recommend them.

Kamdyn's birthday is this weekend. Cinderella is coming to our princess tea party and she has never been so excited about anything in her life. 15 little girls squealing and prancing around for two hours. I'll have more later.

The Dance Recital

Sunday was a monumental day in Kamdyn's life. The first of many to be sure as she is a truly dramatic child.

I wonder where she gets that from?

The day began as any Sunday does with Church at PC and the mad dash to make it to first service and class. It was promotion Sunday and Garrison was moving to the 1st grade class. (I'll blog later about his end of year party with photos)
This, in-and-of-itself was HUGE because he's in class with all his buddies for the first time. Church completed, donughts consumed and then it was off to the car to zoom home and get Kamdyn dressed for the recital at 12:30.

The recital was to be in a nearby city at the downtown theater and was the first annual dance recital for this new dance studio. This sounds more glamorous than it really was but to the kids I'm sure it was overwhlming. Kamdyn was in her element but more on that later.

There was a list or rules two pages front and back of Do's and Dont's for the recital. The right tights, the correct hair, make-up instructions, behavior instructions, shoes, bags toys for entertaining backstage and the one I flatly refused to adhere to: No CAMERAS!!!! Before and after the performance yes but not during. WHATEVER!

After 30 minutes of hair and makeup heres what out little doll looked like. The music and dance was originally Swan Lake but it was scrapped to go with a fairy tale theme. Kamdyn and her group danced to Anastasia "Once Upon a December".





It was madness at the theater. The director told me last week they had averaged 3 adults for each child per performance. There were two recitals that day 100 kids per performance so approximatly 300 adults per show. At the time I remember thinking she had underestimated but when I got to the theater and there were at least twice the number estimated.... well you can imagine the chaos. The director was frazzled but it actually went pretty smoothly getting the girls onstage and in their groups - Sort of find the group with your costume and there you go.

Kamdyns group was the 6th or 7th set of dancers. The youngest group was the 2-3 age ballet. It was exactly what you are picturing in your head. Lots of really darling little girls in poufy dresses, a few crying hysterically and a few others really trying to dance their hearts out. It was precious. Then came our turn to see Kamdyn. From the moment they came on stage they all tried to really do the dance and all the steps. It was a 3 1/2 minute dance which is a really long time for 4 and 5 year olds. Kamdyn is only 3 and the youngest in the class but she was moved up becasue she is so much taller and bigger than the other 3 year olds. They were all so cute but I have to sa mine was (of course) the cutest. I'm sure every mother there could echo that sentiment about her own child. As soon as the lights came up I notice that they had applied additional lipstick to Kamdyns lips. I assumed because she is a fair child and the pink might not have been enough. Her lips looked a bit like Angelina Jolie after additional collegen. My sister was there and she asked me, " What's up with Kamdyn's mouth?" But the dance went on and they were lovely. Kamdyn twirled and spun as hard as she could until her ballet slipper started to come off.

It was at this time she turned around faced the back wall and bent over, mooning the audience with a butt full of white ruffles. Picture this, for a good 5 or 7 seconds of the dance everone else is dancing and spinning and Kamdyns rear end is right there in the middle of the stage blocking the progress of the dance. The other dancers didn't seem to be bothered by it at all.

The audience was really tickled and you can hear it on the video tape. I was taping the dance and trying not to laugh and wiggle the camera. She stood back up with a twirl and went right back to the dance.

They finished their piece and there were a few more after hers. At the end of the performance the house lights came up and one person was to go get their dancer. Naturally Garrison had to go with Dadddy. He was really proud of her and actually got upset when people started laughing during the performance. My mom had to calm him down and reassure him they were not laughing at Kamdyn per say just the circumtances were so cute. He was still not satisified. He had flowers for her and her wanted to go with Sean to make sure she was "good" (his word.)

Remember how I sent her in to the performance? Here is how she emerged form backstage:




You see, I had placed a small make-up bag in her dance bag in case I needed to re apply at the theater. But in the chaos I completly forgot to take it out. Kamdyn found it backstage and took it upon herself to add a little more lipstick AND mascara before the performance. So the Angelina Jolie lips??? They were all her own doing. Several of the other parents snickered at her apperance and said she was really cute. I agreed but also commented that she can be quite a handfull.

We took lots of pictures and celebrated like crazy. She was terribly proud of herself and her makeup job until she saw the pictures later that day. She agreed that from now on she would let mommy do it.

She's already been in my makeup again.

A whole bunch of rambling

Have you ever taken a break from all the things you might normally sign up for or take on and actually do what everyone says you out to do, like say "no" to everything?

This is a confession along with a vow not to let this happen again.

In January when Tickelopes was "downsizing" I was put on retainer as an artist only but no longer an employee of the company, per say. At the behest of many who love me I actually started to say no to things I was asked to do. I did write three children's books as I said I wanted to do. I did draw and paint a bit (mostly wall art for the kids rooms; still unframed and unhung.) But I otherwise slowed my normal frenetic pace to that of a sloth or a turtle (which ever one is slower.) I rested caught up on a lot of TV ate even more than I should on any given day, gained 10 pounds and actually got quite depressed. I started questioning, blaming, getting irritated with everyone around me about the dumbest things. (If you've been one of my victims them I am truly sorry.) I stopped using the phone and slowly began to turn into the frumpy housewife who only wears one or two outfits a week, no makeup, and sleeps as much as possible.

My husband suffered as well as the kids and the housework. I doubted myself my personality, my very person. I didn't like myself so I couldn't imagine how others could like me. During this time Garriosn began having anxiety problem at school and I was in a mess about that too. Worry can kick your butt.

At my low point (which I didn't even know was my low point; I was too close to realize I was in a funk) our book club started reading "Eat Pray Love" and it was only when I began the book and understood this woman's plight of just going through the motions I realized I was miserable too. That is when I began to try and make myself happy again. I was looking to everyone else to make me happy and ignoring what my own inclinations toward that very pursuit were calling me to do.

I have an incredibly supportive husband that took the brunt of this rollercoster. Rollercoster is not the right word because those are fun most of the time this was more like the "Fun House" where you never know what's around the corner and what's waiting is meant to make you scream and be terrified. At the end you laugh but not while you are in the middle of it.

Sean encourages me to try anything I want to try. He supports all of my momentary whims as well as my serious endeavors and all with his same steady love and devotion. He tells me all the time I can do anything I want to do if I just try. Much like a consist ant parent to a whimsical child. If I had a word (if you've read the book you'll understand this part) Mine might be just that, WHIMSICAL. There is good and bad in that word. I've been non-comm ital about just about everything in my life but I've decided to stop looking outward and start searching inward.

I could go on but this is not a novel. Suffice to say I've managed to re busy myself plan several community events, a shower and several school parties with our home room mom. I've restarted an eating an ex cerise program and I'm thinking of restarting my card business. I've been asked ao many time if that is going to happen and I think this is the right time to draw new art and create new designs and start a web page. This is not a whim but something that has been on my heart for a while I just didn't know I was floundering internally. I think I hid it from everyone including myself.

So thank you for loving me in spite of my sometimes neurotic behavior my excessive talkativeness, my crazy ideas and crazy enthusiasm/optimism. I've missed that me because she wasn't reachable for a while but I'm going to be henceforth my old self.
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What else

We are the proud owners of about 40 new baby fish (See photo)


The yellow fish called Rose and her companion called Jack (Titanic) will not stop dropping babies. We've had two bunches and there are apparently more to come. The kids love it but I'm not sure what we will do with all the fish. If anyone has need of a guppy or two I think I can be of service.

School if out this Thursday and I've started my Adventure Kids Blog with tons of Dallas stuff to do. But otherwise it's been pretty mellow but not for long. VBS is coming and I'm helping in Arts and Crafts. Sean and I are on the Dave Ramsey financial plan and hopefully will be in the summer class so we can really get on track for a credit card free life. I've had it up to my eyebrows with debt and credit cards. So that will be ending in the next week. I'm re-opening my Arbonne business so if you want any arbonne products I'm your girl!

I love Arbonne and I'm really excited about this. I made a great new friend and reconnected with an old one in Arbonne last fall. I also lost 17 pounds and I'm looking forward to re-loosing the 10 I gained back.

I have to go check on my kids now. They've been watching Lilo and Stich while I typw and I now hear someone on the piano and that means it's over.

These are some of the recent pictures I finally got off my phone.

Zoo trip with Garrison's class / This is his best school girl, Preslee. Her dad is the actor friend I've emailed about recently.

Garre's class / It rained and we were all drenched to the bone but it was fun.

My monkey

A surprized art award winner

I believe

My mom sends me emails all the time that are silly and pointless.

Sometimes she sends me one that is really neat. This is one I want to remember.
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I believe in the power of prayer because I've seen it work.

I believe in honesty tempered with kindness, but honesty nevertheless.

I believe that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life

I believe that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I believe that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences

I believe that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time

I believe that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief

I believe that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become

I believe that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. Be the last one to know. There is joy in ignorance.

I believe two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

Deal or No Deal

For some time now I considered sending in my application for the game show Deal or No Deal. I decided that I would be a funny candidate since I don't mind acting silly in fornt of a whole bunch of people and because I might actually be quirky enough to be selected for the show. So I did fill out and application and sent it in along with all the required self portraits and photographs.

A week later while pouring over our financials with Sean I said, "I wish Deal or no Deal would just come to Dallas and I'd try out."

The next day (no lie) my mom calls to tell me I should try out for DOND and the cattle call on Saturday April 14th in Grand Prairie. Talk about karma..... And I don't even believe in karma!

The following is the story of the days events as I stood in line for 5 hours, freezing my butt off with a cast of crazies, for a 30 second shot at my 15 minutes of possible fame and $1,000,000 dollars.

5:30 am - The alarm goes off and I actually got out of bed rather quickly. The previous night was full of thunderstorms (remember the tornado's in Ft. Worth) which proceeded a cold front. I had though of everything. I had my application and more pictures and a yahoo map. My clothes were laid out, my purse was packed, my phone was charged, and I had a book to read. I made a cup of coffee and took two hoodia (so I wouldn't be hungry. This actually works if you haven't tried the stuff.) I then set off for Grand Prairie Dodge at I20 and 360 about an hour away.

7:10 - I arrive at Grand Prairie Dodge (heretofore know as GPD) only to be told that parking was already full and I should park at the 24 hour fitness about 1/2 mile away. Not a good start to my morning. There were people everywhere! Hundreds wee parking and streaming across an open filed in ankle-deep mud back to GPD. I gathered my things locked the car and started my trek to DOND at GPD.

7:25 - About 1/2 way across the field, I notice that I left my application and pictures in the car. I was also soooo cold that I seriously considered ending it right there. I turned back against the throngs of contestant hopefuls and waded back to the car. I turned on the heater in the car and sat there for a few minutes watching the people walking. I remembered that I had a thin jacket and a soccer quilt in the trunk. THANK YOU LORD!!!
I noticed another couple walking back to their car arguing. Typical of me, I made a comment about the insanity and the lady informed me, "If my stupid husband had gotten up when I asked him to we'd be in line already!"
He was shaking his head and she was griping at him.

"At least you didn't get half the way there and realize you had forgotten your completed app and a coat!"

They laughed and replied, "Would you like for us to take you back to GPD? We are going right down the access road as we can drop you off."

"Normally I wouldn't get into a car with complete strangers but what the heck, yes! and thank you!" They were as good as their word and dropped me off but made me promise to give a shout out to Rick if I made the show. I heartily agreed thanked them and started across the parking lot at GPF.

7:45 - The line that awaited me was at least 1000 strong. The doors weren't opening until 10:00 and I thought I had been so smart to get up that early. Evidently others were just as smart as I was. I finally found the end of the line (somewhere near the Dodge Caravans and started my never ending wait. I was grateful to Rick and Amy when I noticed the feet of those standing around me. Many were caked in wet mud. It was so cold I wanted to run to the car but the only thing stopping me was the hike back.

8:30 - Port-o potty. For some reason I chose to drink coffee prior to this excursion. I have never been one to use this facility but when in dire straits and no other option (save the hike to the car) I relented, asked my neighbor to save my place and began to make my way through the crowd to the POP. I looked back and the line behind me had doubled from the line in front of me. I felt somewhat relieved.
I met a lady in the POP line who was attempting to "sike" herself up for this disgusting but necessary evil. She was gagging before she even went in. I offered her a scented moist handi-wipe. She thanked me and said,"I'm so in love with you right now." We both ventured into our respective stalls and both came out gagging. I was truly nasty. There is more on the POP late in the story.

8:35 until 10:00 - Talking and freezing with tons of other crazy people. I took a good look around and wondered why some of the people who were there actually believed that NBC might dare to put them on national television. I saw every manner of human being: several Elvis impersonators, the Cat in the hat, a chipmunk costume, a Greek god and goddess, a group dressed like the cast of The Matrix, tattoos, piercings, lesbians, gays (openly kissing I might add) tall people, short people, thin people, fat people, people with Mohawk's, children selling hot chocolate and donuts, a man charging $5 for a Polaroid picture to take in with your application, every race and ethnic background I knew and a few I wasn't aware of, people wearing crazy hats, the red hat ladies (out in force), Old people, young people and still they came to the line.

By 10:00 am there were at least 7500 people in line maybe more.

10:00 - the helicopters and NBC cameras arrived. People went totally nuts. A producer opened the front door and announced something unintelligible and then the most horrible moment of the day arrived.

They came to clean the port-o-potties.

If you have never experienced this count yourself lucky. I had not until this moment and shall never forget it the longest day of my life. The truck arrived and a worker opened the top of the POP. With a huge vacuum like tube the process of "cleaning" begins. There was, however, a slight problem in that he didn't have the tube properly placed and it literal threw the contents against the POP door forcing it open for all to see. First there was a wave of odor and it got stronger and stronger. We were (in the little group I had befriended) downwind and let me tell you... no you can only imagine! There are no words to describe the scene. The woman in front of me threw-up in the bushes. And she wasn't the only one. Luckily, I had my soccer quilt from my car and wrapped my face inside it and pinched my nose. I might be dead now from the gaseous fumes had it not been for the quilt.
Enough said.

10:00 until 12:10 - Inching forward toward my date with destiny. (Yes they got the POP cleaned up) we all talked about what we'd do with a Million dollars, what our strategy's were, how we'd impress the producer in just 30 seconds and then before you knew it it was my turn to go in an wait for the group to be called.

12:10 - The coordinators called in two groups of 60 and put us in 6 rows of 10. As one table finished a line of 10 went to the one producer sitting there. Each person was given 30 seconds to talk about themselves only. Our girl used a timer and she'd stop you in mid-sentence. She took the apps and started to my left. I was number 4 in my group. I was proceeded be two boring girls laying out he woes of their sad lives then alady who didn;t know what to say. I was then my turn and I was excited and bubbly and smiled a lot and was very enthusiastic. At the end of the 10th person (there was an Elvis impersonator from Murphy in my group. It was just sad.) She excused everyone but me and and really good-looking black guy named Michael. She dumped the other apps in a deep box and asked the other producer standing near-by to come over to the table. They both questioned up for another 5 minutes. She wanted to know what I did for a living, where I was from, what would I do with the money, how would I act on the show, who would I bring and several more specific questions. Here is where I could have done better but I was nervous! I should have been more over the top. I got a blue star on my app and the other producer took it away to a tent in the back. The said thank you, I said thank you and the I appreciated all her hard work because it can't be an easy job. She said I was the 1st person that day to tell her thank you.

She said I'd hear something in as little as a week to a YEAR!!!!!!!!

I watched two more groups go though and they only took about 5 apps away to the tent. Some tables didn't produce any applications for the tent. I felt hopeful until I realized that with over 7000 there they may have taken as many as 500 applications with blue stars. BUMMER!!!

Well, all in all it was worth it. I made my way back across the muddy field and went to Johnny Carinos for lunch. I drank hot coffee and warmed up. I'd have to say that being on the show would be amazing. It was always a zillion to one chance but I'm glad I went because if I hadn't gone I'd always wonder what if.

Plus I met Elvis about 5 times

When it rains... it pours Easter eggs

Okay. So in the course of a couple of days our TV goes out, the digital camera goes nuts and the dryer basically quits. Hows that for karma?

On the brighter side, Kamdyn has started talking in a southern accent. Where did she hear this? Good question. She says her phrases like, "I want to plaaey outsiiiide, mommmiiee." And today it was, "I wont to huunt Eastah aggs." I think she thinks it cute. My grandmthe ris here grom Georgia and she does has a distinct southern accent. I guess this is where she heard it. It's very funny.

Today, as we do every year we spent Easter at my sister's house. The grown-ups hide the eggs, the kids scrambled all over the back yard to find them and stuff candy in their mouths and we all ate so much food it was silly. It's always a great time.

I'll post pictures later.

Pictures Pictures Pictures

I've been avoiding doing a post because I needed to put so many pictures together. We have been doing so much and I've had the camera everywhere. My digital is on the fritz so I've been doing this old world style. This is a combo post with tons of pictures. I have posted all sorts of various outings and drawings.

Garrison has been having some problems with anxiety so I've been trying to spend as much time as possible with him (doctors orders). I've taken him out to school a couple of time to just spend the day together. He seems to have a lot of worries for a 6 year old (April 24 he'll be 6). We think that is where this obsession with the Titanic has come from. And yes it is an obsession. We have Lego Titanic Play dough Titanic (as you'll see below) drawings, music, original songs, plays.... The list goes on an on, kind of like Celine Dion's heart in that song from the movie. He is in play therapy to work out some of this stress with a great Christian child therapist, Dr. Dean Beckloff. I didn't want to blog about this because We were so unsure of what we were dealing with. It basically started with tremendous anxiety about the weather. It escalated to acting out in school and then one week he was sent to the school counsellor for behavior issues. This is all very unlike Garrison and was alarming to say the least. He said and did some strange things. He is an intellectual child and internalizes things so the doctor is working with him to help learn how to express himself and not bottle it up.





Garrison won 2nd place in the district art competition for Wylie IDS. His art teacher entered the drawing so it was a real suprize for everyone. He was thrilled. I took a picture of him on my phone but I can't figure out how to get it out of the phone. We were really proud of him and more importantly he was proud of himself.

This is a self portrait by Kamdyn. She looks happy to me.


This is my soccer man. He's a lot more aggressive than I thought he'd be and he really like it. Team sports are good for building confidence in yourself and learning to rely on others, so says the doctor.


Also, we went to the Arboretum. Garrison is getting, "too old for flower pictures, Mom!" His words. I am guessing he will give me more and more trouble as the years roll on but I'm determined to keep it up. Once he was there he was awesome. Kamdyn of course loved every minute of it including finding a dead snake. Below are the pictures. We missed to tulips but the azaleas were spectacular.I've entered the shadowy picture of Kamdyn in a local photo contest and the behest of the Wolf camera guy. We'll see....










Kamdyn and I spent the day hunting for ladybugs. Instead of cleaning my house and getting laundry I was climbing all over a large hill with a 3 year od hunting for ladybugs. It was one of the best days I can remember. The laundry was still there and the dishes were still dirty but in my daughters eyes I was the bestest mommy ever! How do I know this because she told me so.