Deal or No Deal

For some time now I considered sending in my application for the game show Deal or No Deal. I decided that I would be a funny candidate since I don't mind acting silly in fornt of a whole bunch of people and because I might actually be quirky enough to be selected for the show. So I did fill out and application and sent it in along with all the required self portraits and photographs.

A week later while pouring over our financials with Sean I said, "I wish Deal or no Deal would just come to Dallas and I'd try out."

The next day (no lie) my mom calls to tell me I should try out for DOND and the cattle call on Saturday April 14th in Grand Prairie. Talk about karma..... And I don't even believe in karma!

The following is the story of the days events as I stood in line for 5 hours, freezing my butt off with a cast of crazies, for a 30 second shot at my 15 minutes of possible fame and $1,000,000 dollars.

5:30 am - The alarm goes off and I actually got out of bed rather quickly. The previous night was full of thunderstorms (remember the tornado's in Ft. Worth) which proceeded a cold front. I had though of everything. I had my application and more pictures and a yahoo map. My clothes were laid out, my purse was packed, my phone was charged, and I had a book to read. I made a cup of coffee and took two hoodia (so I wouldn't be hungry. This actually works if you haven't tried the stuff.) I then set off for Grand Prairie Dodge at I20 and 360 about an hour away.

7:10 - I arrive at Grand Prairie Dodge (heretofore know as GPD) only to be told that parking was already full and I should park at the 24 hour fitness about 1/2 mile away. Not a good start to my morning. There were people everywhere! Hundreds wee parking and streaming across an open filed in ankle-deep mud back to GPD. I gathered my things locked the car and started my trek to DOND at GPD.

7:25 - About 1/2 way across the field, I notice that I left my application and pictures in the car. I was also soooo cold that I seriously considered ending it right there. I turned back against the throngs of contestant hopefuls and waded back to the car. I turned on the heater in the car and sat there for a few minutes watching the people walking. I remembered that I had a thin jacket and a soccer quilt in the trunk. THANK YOU LORD!!!
I noticed another couple walking back to their car arguing. Typical of me, I made a comment about the insanity and the lady informed me, "If my stupid husband had gotten up when I asked him to we'd be in line already!"
He was shaking his head and she was griping at him.

"At least you didn't get half the way there and realize you had forgotten your completed app and a coat!"

They laughed and replied, "Would you like for us to take you back to GPD? We are going right down the access road as we can drop you off."

"Normally I wouldn't get into a car with complete strangers but what the heck, yes! and thank you!" They were as good as their word and dropped me off but made me promise to give a shout out to Rick if I made the show. I heartily agreed thanked them and started across the parking lot at GPF.

7:45 - The line that awaited me was at least 1000 strong. The doors weren't opening until 10:00 and I thought I had been so smart to get up that early. Evidently others were just as smart as I was. I finally found the end of the line (somewhere near the Dodge Caravans and started my never ending wait. I was grateful to Rick and Amy when I noticed the feet of those standing around me. Many were caked in wet mud. It was so cold I wanted to run to the car but the only thing stopping me was the hike back.

8:30 - Port-o potty. For some reason I chose to drink coffee prior to this excursion. I have never been one to use this facility but when in dire straits and no other option (save the hike to the car) I relented, asked my neighbor to save my place and began to make my way through the crowd to the POP. I looked back and the line behind me had doubled from the line in front of me. I felt somewhat relieved.
I met a lady in the POP line who was attempting to "sike" herself up for this disgusting but necessary evil. She was gagging before she even went in. I offered her a scented moist handi-wipe. She thanked me and said,"I'm so in love with you right now." We both ventured into our respective stalls and both came out gagging. I was truly nasty. There is more on the POP late in the story.

8:35 until 10:00 - Talking and freezing with tons of other crazy people. I took a good look around and wondered why some of the people who were there actually believed that NBC might dare to put them on national television. I saw every manner of human being: several Elvis impersonators, the Cat in the hat, a chipmunk costume, a Greek god and goddess, a group dressed like the cast of The Matrix, tattoos, piercings, lesbians, gays (openly kissing I might add) tall people, short people, thin people, fat people, people with Mohawk's, children selling hot chocolate and donuts, a man charging $5 for a Polaroid picture to take in with your application, every race and ethnic background I knew and a few I wasn't aware of, people wearing crazy hats, the red hat ladies (out in force), Old people, young people and still they came to the line.

By 10:00 am there were at least 7500 people in line maybe more.

10:00 - the helicopters and NBC cameras arrived. People went totally nuts. A producer opened the front door and announced something unintelligible and then the most horrible moment of the day arrived.

They came to clean the port-o-potties.

If you have never experienced this count yourself lucky. I had not until this moment and shall never forget it the longest day of my life. The truck arrived and a worker opened the top of the POP. With a huge vacuum like tube the process of "cleaning" begins. There was, however, a slight problem in that he didn't have the tube properly placed and it literal threw the contents against the POP door forcing it open for all to see. First there was a wave of odor and it got stronger and stronger. We were (in the little group I had befriended) downwind and let me tell you... no you can only imagine! There are no words to describe the scene. The woman in front of me threw-up in the bushes. And she wasn't the only one. Luckily, I had my soccer quilt from my car and wrapped my face inside it and pinched my nose. I might be dead now from the gaseous fumes had it not been for the quilt.
Enough said.

10:00 until 12:10 - Inching forward toward my date with destiny. (Yes they got the POP cleaned up) we all talked about what we'd do with a Million dollars, what our strategy's were, how we'd impress the producer in just 30 seconds and then before you knew it it was my turn to go in an wait for the group to be called.

12:10 - The coordinators called in two groups of 60 and put us in 6 rows of 10. As one table finished a line of 10 went to the one producer sitting there. Each person was given 30 seconds to talk about themselves only. Our girl used a timer and she'd stop you in mid-sentence. She took the apps and started to my left. I was number 4 in my group. I was proceeded be two boring girls laying out he woes of their sad lives then alady who didn;t know what to say. I was then my turn and I was excited and bubbly and smiled a lot and was very enthusiastic. At the end of the 10th person (there was an Elvis impersonator from Murphy in my group. It was just sad.) She excused everyone but me and and really good-looking black guy named Michael. She dumped the other apps in a deep box and asked the other producer standing near-by to come over to the table. They both questioned up for another 5 minutes. She wanted to know what I did for a living, where I was from, what would I do with the money, how would I act on the show, who would I bring and several more specific questions. Here is where I could have done better but I was nervous! I should have been more over the top. I got a blue star on my app and the other producer took it away to a tent in the back. The said thank you, I said thank you and the I appreciated all her hard work because it can't be an easy job. She said I was the 1st person that day to tell her thank you.

She said I'd hear something in as little as a week to a YEAR!!!!!!!!

I watched two more groups go though and they only took about 5 apps away to the tent. Some tables didn't produce any applications for the tent. I felt hopeful until I realized that with over 7000 there they may have taken as many as 500 applications with blue stars. BUMMER!!!

Well, all in all it was worth it. I made my way back across the muddy field and went to Johnny Carinos for lunch. I drank hot coffee and warmed up. I'd have to say that being on the show would be amazing. It was always a zillion to one chance but I'm glad I went because if I hadn't gone I'd always wonder what if.

Plus I met Elvis about 5 times