A whole bunch of rambling

Have you ever taken a break from all the things you might normally sign up for or take on and actually do what everyone says you out to do, like say "no" to everything?

This is a confession along with a vow not to let this happen again.

In January when Tickelopes was "downsizing" I was put on retainer as an artist only but no longer an employee of the company, per say. At the behest of many who love me I actually started to say no to things I was asked to do. I did write three children's books as I said I wanted to do. I did draw and paint a bit (mostly wall art for the kids rooms; still unframed and unhung.) But I otherwise slowed my normal frenetic pace to that of a sloth or a turtle (which ever one is slower.) I rested caught up on a lot of TV ate even more than I should on any given day, gained 10 pounds and actually got quite depressed. I started questioning, blaming, getting irritated with everyone around me about the dumbest things. (If you've been one of my victims them I am truly sorry.) I stopped using the phone and slowly began to turn into the frumpy housewife who only wears one or two outfits a week, no makeup, and sleeps as much as possible.

My husband suffered as well as the kids and the housework. I doubted myself my personality, my very person. I didn't like myself so I couldn't imagine how others could like me. During this time Garriosn began having anxiety problem at school and I was in a mess about that too. Worry can kick your butt.

At my low point (which I didn't even know was my low point; I was too close to realize I was in a funk) our book club started reading "Eat Pray Love" and it was only when I began the book and understood this woman's plight of just going through the motions I realized I was miserable too. That is when I began to try and make myself happy again. I was looking to everyone else to make me happy and ignoring what my own inclinations toward that very pursuit were calling me to do.

I have an incredibly supportive husband that took the brunt of this rollercoster. Rollercoster is not the right word because those are fun most of the time this was more like the "Fun House" where you never know what's around the corner and what's waiting is meant to make you scream and be terrified. At the end you laugh but not while you are in the middle of it.

Sean encourages me to try anything I want to try. He supports all of my momentary whims as well as my serious endeavors and all with his same steady love and devotion. He tells me all the time I can do anything I want to do if I just try. Much like a consist ant parent to a whimsical child. If I had a word (if you've read the book you'll understand this part) Mine might be just that, WHIMSICAL. There is good and bad in that word. I've been non-comm ital about just about everything in my life but I've decided to stop looking outward and start searching inward.

I could go on but this is not a novel. Suffice to say I've managed to re busy myself plan several community events, a shower and several school parties with our home room mom. I've restarted an eating an ex cerise program and I'm thinking of restarting my card business. I've been asked ao many time if that is going to happen and I think this is the right time to draw new art and create new designs and start a web page. This is not a whim but something that has been on my heart for a while I just didn't know I was floundering internally. I think I hid it from everyone including myself.

So thank you for loving me in spite of my sometimes neurotic behavior my excessive talkativeness, my crazy ideas and crazy enthusiasm/optimism. I've missed that me because she wasn't reachable for a while but I'm going to be henceforth my old self.
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What else

We are the proud owners of about 40 new baby fish (See photo)


The yellow fish called Rose and her companion called Jack (Titanic) will not stop dropping babies. We've had two bunches and there are apparently more to come. The kids love it but I'm not sure what we will do with all the fish. If anyone has need of a guppy or two I think I can be of service.

School if out this Thursday and I've started my Adventure Kids Blog with tons of Dallas stuff to do. But otherwise it's been pretty mellow but not for long. VBS is coming and I'm helping in Arts and Crafts. Sean and I are on the Dave Ramsey financial plan and hopefully will be in the summer class so we can really get on track for a credit card free life. I've had it up to my eyebrows with debt and credit cards. So that will be ending in the next week. I'm re-opening my Arbonne business so if you want any arbonne products I'm your girl!

I love Arbonne and I'm really excited about this. I made a great new friend and reconnected with an old one in Arbonne last fall. I also lost 17 pounds and I'm looking forward to re-loosing the 10 I gained back.

I have to go check on my kids now. They've been watching Lilo and Stich while I typw and I now hear someone on the piano and that means it's over.

These are some of the recent pictures I finally got off my phone.

Zoo trip with Garrison's class / This is his best school girl, Preslee. Her dad is the actor friend I've emailed about recently.

Garre's class / It rained and we were all drenched to the bone but it was fun.

My monkey

A surprized art award winner